Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend,

I honestly don't know what happened tonight. I feel like I slept in another persons house. I'm so confused. I don't know where this whole thing started, like who started it? I don't know. People imagine their lives are so fucked up and that everything happens to them. Usually they have life great, and they don't even know it. And yeah, I'm one of those people. My life could be so much more worse then it is. But I don't think people understand the severity of EJ's anger problems. Or the fact that I think my mother is depressed but won't tell anyone. Or the fact that I think I'm going deeply into a depressed state again. Why? I don't know. I can't answer why EJ has anger problems. I don't know why my mother and I are depressed. I honestly can't tell you. But tonight scared the shit out of everyone. I know it did. EJ got really bad, over nothing, and my mom had to call the police. I never thought it would honestly get that bad. But if I knew what was going to happen next I probably wouldn't have come home tonight. The police officer came in the house and EJ walked into my grandmothers room. He told EJ nothing would get resolved with him walking away. He also asked him to come out. When EJ said no he went to talk to him. EJ then pushed the police officer who pushed him back and told him to never touch a police officer. Then my brother, my fourteen year old brother hit a police officer. My brother is on probation. And how did this all start? I have no idea. They had to handcuff him and ask us questions. So now he is being charged with assaulting a police officer. This is ridiculous. We moved so everything would get easier. Not harder. I honestly cant take this. So then they tell EJ he can stay home but will have to go to court. So he goes upstairs and waits till he hears me upstairs. Then he comes in my room and tells me how he loves me but doesn't want to live. EJ is suicidal. I never actually thought he was. I mean yeah, I guess if I payed attention more. But I never thought he was like that. And it scares me. EJ scares me. I don't ever want to loose him. I don't care what he does to me. He is my brother and I won't let anyone take that away. Even him. I don't know what to do anymore I feel like I'm living someone else's life. Someone take me away. Far away. Please.

What the fuck do I do now?