i never use this but i should,

apparently i'm on tumblr....

4am

so i can't draw, but when i'm bored at 4am i attempt it haha

so,

confused and lost right now. why does life suck so much?

i watch a movie tonight and,

i realized. life is way too short. i've always known that i realized it a long time ago. thats why when i find a friend, i'm their honest friend. i'm there through thick and thin. until you give me a reason not to be. then i realize i'm wasting my time with you. but i'll never forget you, because at some time, some point. you meant something to me. something i can't explain, but at one point i did love you as a friend. so if something ever happened to you, i would be crushed. i realized a while after my dad died that nothing in life is certain, you can plan all you want for some perfect life. chance is what makes it happen. one day you can have everything you've ever worked for and the next minute you can be left with nothing. which doesn't mean you shouldn't work for what you want and what you deserve. it means that you should appreciate every little thing you have. all of it can go away at the drop of a dime. which brings me on to my next point, drugs. honestly i know everyone that does drugs says "everyone does them, just get use to it". but thats not true. yeah i've tried weed, and i did get high. but it wasn't fun. i want to experience reality. i want to experience whats going on right now in this moment and take in every minute of it. i don't want to feel the way i did then, it was stupid and no fun. i honestly can have fun without drugs. i've known since day one i didn't want to wake up one day and think, where did my life go? i wasted it away drinking every night and forgetting what happened the next morning. i don't want to get so high i forget all my problems and they "go away". they never go away. believe it or not they get worse. i want to be strong and face them head on, instead of cheating my way out in life. and to all my friends that do drugs, fuck its your life do whatever the hell you want. don't get my involved. in the long run, we probably wont be friends. because the last thing i want is a phone call at 4 in the morning telling me you just got in a car accident cause you were too drunk to drive home. or you just did something stupid because you were high. so ill care when something happens to you, but it wont be my fault. and it wont be the other kids faults. it wont be anyones fault but your own. because at one point you knew you were making the wrong choices, but you let it go and wouldn't accept your problems for what they are. i'm happy to know that i realize these things. i mean i didn't just realize them i've known them all along, but this really brought it fresh and new in the front of my head. i don't need anyone to make me happy. i only need true friends. nobody fake, no one-sided friendships. none of the bullshit. i'm hard to duplicate, we all are. but i need more people like me.

i'm true to everyone. even if you don't give me a reason to be. but the minute you give me a reason to leave, i'm gone.

I can not believe,

I'm a Neshaminy 2010 graduate.

I'm completely scared,

to graduate. I've never been this scared in my life. Nothing after this is certain. It sucks.

You are the thunder,

LaLaLa :) I stayed home from school today. Which I totally shouldn't have..but its too late now :D haha. I got a MacBook yesterday. Its my graduation present since i don't want a car. Yesterday was 11 years to the day my dad died. All day I was kinda bummed but I don't let it show. It's whatever. He's gone and I can't change that, and I except it. It just sucks. But it never ruins my whole day because I remember, he wouldn't want it to. Last night was upsetting but that was about it. Today is my older brothers birthday dinner jawn, his real birthday was Tuesday. So, I guess were eating dinner later. But I'm hungry now since I haven't eaten all day and I cant go downstairs or my grandmom will know im home..haha lameeee. anyways. Were drifting apart and I realize it, but I don't stop it. I can't and I don't want to. Because I like it.